I have always believed that one of the building blocks to a viable and strong relationship is giving.
The challenge is always if the two parties involved understands this, and also if they understand what giving is all about and what could be given. The world arroud us have shaped our view to approach important things like relationships in a selfish way, people go into relationships with list of expectations and what can I get mindset, rather than what can I give.
It seems we are living in an era where the opposite gender thinks money is all that is to be given and received. The framework of relationships in our today world seems to be: ‘you give me money, I give s*x or a fraction of my time, or I’m giving you money because I want s*x from you’. Money and S*x seem to be the protagonist in the story of love in our today world.
Money is important we all know about that, I talked about giving monetary value to partners in relationships in this article I wrote (post link on the last paragraph), so I’m not going to discredit the amazing things money can do. Also s*x, that thing is good :), especially the with the right person, they are both good things, but both of them are not all that can be exchanged in the business of relationship between two loving hearts, there are other things we can give if we really want to give.
Giving in relationships should always be 50/50, but there might be struggling days for your partner, during those days you may have to suck up the other part of the equation, that should be the case. But when you are always sucking up, it’s only a matter of time before you get filled up. If your partner will understand and wish to give, there’s always a way he or she can help drain all what you have sucked up.
Now, lets fantasize, Imagine being in a relationship with a partner who cultivates the “What can I give” mindset, not someone who wants to give because of what he wishes to collect, but someone who wants to give because he wants to play the roll of a partner.
Imagine that you also cultivate the same mindset, imagine how the scenes you guys will be creating in your relationship will look like. What are you seeing with your mind’s eyes, I’m seeing love, laughter, strong bond, peace…
…there’s no way all this will be present and money and other things won’t be added, there are things we must first seek before other things would be added to us.
Now, incase you don’t have money or s*x to give, here are 5 other things you can give to your partner.
Time is a priceless asset, time could be more valuable than money, if packaged rightly. Time spent with someone at a point in life, even without spoken words, could be priceless.
The challenge here is knowing how to package your time into a valuable gift for your partner.
First you need to know if that is what your partner needs, then you need to know how and when your partner needs it, it could be a side by side walk with you in the trees or a call in the middle of the night.
Attention means looking into his or her eyes while he or she shares some of the things that concerns or bothers him or her.
Attention mean not trying to change the topic because you feel you can’t do anything about it, he or she might really not want you to do anything, he or she might just want a listening ear.
Attention also means nodding your head to show you are listening, not just moping at him or her, waiting for him or her to finish so that you can go back to your phone.
Attention can also mean giving your partner just 10% of the attention you give to your phone.
It doesn’t have to be too extraordinary or expensive, it can just cost you N50 or N10, so you see, it’s not about money, it’s more about thoughtfulness and being creative to find little or common things that could be special to your partner, you can rap it up if possible, just present it to him or her, that could make him or her feel that you have him or her in your thought and that you care and that if you are opportune to have more, you can give more.
If your partner’s love language is “gift”, this could mean the world to him or her, he or she could value this more than money or s*x.
4. Physical Support
Help him or her do things, we have passed the age where responsibilities are logically assigned to gender, we are living in the age where understanding is one of the most important factor in peaceful human cohabitation. You can’t allow your partner to keep suffering because the world said it’s his or her responsibility.
5. Emotional support
This is more than time and attention, it’s more about empathy, understand how he or she feels at a given moment, it’s about putting yourself in his or her shoes, seeing things through his or her eyes.
It’s not about being the general adviser of his or her life, or trying to show him or her all the imperfections surrounding him or her, it’s about that understanding that I talked about earlier, the one I said is one of the most important factors in peaceful human cohabitation, giving your partner that positive energy to still remain sane could be the real thing you partner needs from you.
There are more other things that you can possibly give, that doesn’t include sex or money, but before you make the decision to be a giver in your relationship(s), you need to make sure the potential reciver is worth the stress, you need to make sure he or she is not just in to take advantage of the good virtue you are trying to develop and nurture.
It becomes more easy to give when the reciver is appreciative both in attitude and words, and the whole practice of giving in relationships becomes more productive if him or her understands the act of giving in relationship the way you understand it.
Sharing this post with him or her might just get things straight for both of you.